EDUCATION LOWDOWN PODCAST | EPISODE 5

Trust Your Gut

A Parent’s Journey Through Diagnosis, IEPs & Advocacy

With Zela Baclayon — Preschool Teacher, Neurodivergent Parent & Advocate

Sometimes you know something about your child before you have the paperwork, the diagnosis, or a professional telling you that you're right.

You just know.

In Episode 5 of the Education Lowdown Podcast, Dylcia Hernandez Dell’Era, MSW, PPSC, sits down with longtime preschool teacher and fellow parent Zela Baclayon for an honest conversation about what happens when professional experience and parent intuition collide with the reality of navigating services for your own children.

Zela has worked as a preschool teacher for more than 25 years and has supported many young children and families through developmental concerns and the assessment process. But when it came to her own children, knowing the system didn't necessarily make navigating it easy.

This conversation is about diagnosis, IEPs, 504 Plans, autism, ADHD, accommodations and advocacy.

But it's also about something much bigger:

Learning to trust what you know about your child—and teaching your child to eventually trust and advocate for themselves.

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Zela's two children had very different educational journeys.

Her daughter did well academically and was well-behaved at school, even as Zela suspected for years that ADHD might be part of the picture.

Her son's needs showed up differently.

Because of her early-childhood background, Zela noticed a speech delay when he was around 18 months old. When her initial concerns didn't result in the support she believed he needed, she kept asking questions and pursuing evaluations.

It's an experience many parents recognize.

You notice something.

You ask.

Someone tells you to wait.

But that feeling doesn't disappear.

And that's where one of the central messages of this episode comes from:

Trust your gut.

Parent intuition isn't a diagnosis or an assessment.

But your observations matter.

You know what your child looks like at home. You know their history. You notice patterns. You know when something has changed.

And when something continues to concern you, it's okay to keep asking questions.

“No” Is Not Always the Final Answer

One professional saying no doesn't necessarily mean there are no other questions to ask.

Sometimes it means:

What information led to that decision?

What else could explain what I'm seeing?

Is another evaluation appropriate?

Are there other systems or resources we should explore?

What can I document?

What should I watch for next?

Advocacy doesn't have to mean walking into every conversation ready for a fight.

It can mean learning.

Documenting.

Asking questions.

Following up.

Seeking another appropriate professional opinion.

And continuing the conversation when something doesn't make sense.

That's very different from assuming every “no” is wrong.

It's understanding that you are allowed to ask why.

Two Children Can Need Advocacy in Completely Different Ways

One of the most useful parts of Zela's story is how different her children's experiences have been.

A child doesn't have to be failing every class or disrupting the classroom for something to be difficult.

Zela describes her daughter as social, capable and academically successful, while also struggling with attention, perfectionism, anxiety and the amount of time and energy required to keep up.

Eventually, the school helped the family put a 504 Plan in place with accommodations such as extended testing time and access to a less distracting environment.

Her son's needs and pathway looked different.

That's an important reminder for parents:

Support should be based on the individual child—not on what another child's disability looked like.

Even siblings can need completely different things.

When a Child Looks Like They're “Doing Fine”

This is especially important when talking about children whose struggles aren't immediately obvious at school.

Some children develop ways of getting through the school day that can make their difficulties harder for adults to recognize.

A student may earn good grades.

They may be highly verbal.

They may follow the rules.

They may be social.

And they may still be using an enormous amount of energy to keep up.

Dylcia and Zela discuss how attention difficulties can look different across children and how a parent's observations may not always match what a teacher sees in the classroom.

That doesn't mean one person is right and the other is wrong.

It means the team may be seeing different parts of the same child.

That's why parent input matters.

A Diagnosis Does Not Define Your Child

Receiving a diagnosis can bring a complicated mix of emotions.

Relief.

Fear.

Validation.

Grief.

Questions.

Sometimes even guilt.

But a diagnosis doesn't suddenly change who your child is.

They're still the child you knew yesterday.

The diagnosis may simply give everyone new information for understanding what that child needs.

Throughout the conversation, Dylcia and Zella return to the importance of helping children understand that school performance, disability, neurodivergence, or a diagnosis is part of their story—not their entire identity.

A label can help explain needs.

It can help connect families with services.

It can give children language for understanding themselves.

But it does not determine their worth or their future.

The Goal Is More Than Parent Advocacy

When children are young, parents naturally do much of the advocating.

We make appointments.

Send emails.

Attend meetings.

Ask questions.

Fill out forms.

Follow up.

Explain.

Repeat ourselves.

And sometimes repeat ourselves again.

But as children grow, advocacy can begin to change.

Instead of only asking:

“How do I advocate for my child?”

we can also begin asking:

“How do I teach my child to advocate for themselves?”

That may mean helping a child recognize:

I need a break.

I don't understand the directions.

I need more time.

This environment is too distracting.

I need help.

This strategy works for me.

This one doesn't.

Self-advocacy doesn't happen overnight.

Children learn it when adults listen to them, include them in age-appropriate conversations about their needs, and give them opportunities to practice using their own voice.

Ultimately, one of the most powerful outcomes of parent advocacy is a young person who increasingly understands:

This is what I need, and I know how to ask for it.

Accommodations Aren't About Making School “Easy”

The conversation also touches on a concern many parents have:

Am I asking for too much?

An accommodation isn't supposed to eliminate learning.

It's intended to address barriers that may interfere with a student's access.

For one student, that might mean extended time.

For another, it could mean a quieter testing environment.

Another child might need sensory considerations, breaks, communication support, or changes in how information is presented.

The question isn't:

“How do we make this easier than everyone else has it?”

A more useful question is:

“What is getting in the way of this student showing what they actually know and can do?”

That's a very different conversation.

Sometimes the Solution Looks Different

One of my favorite practical stories from this episode has nothing to do with paperwork.

Zela talks about something as ordinary as haircuts.

For her son, the sensory experience of a typical haircut—the sound, buzzing, loose hair and other sensations—could be extremely difficult.

So the family adapted.

At one point, that meant Zela cutting his hair while he slept.

Over time, things changed. They found other ways that worked better for him.

And Zela shared those experiences publicly because another parent might see them and think:

I never thought of doing it that way.

That's advocacy too.

It isn't always about making the child tolerate the environment exactly as it exists.

Sometimes it's asking:

How can we change the environment so this works for the child?

And then celebrating progress instead of comparing that progress to someone else's timeline.

As Zela says in the conversation:

“We celebrate the wins.”

Parents Need Grace, Too

There is another person in all of this who can easily disappear:

The parent.

When your child needs additional support, parenting can begin to look a lot like case management.

You're researching.

Scheduling.

Calling.

Driving.

Emailing.

Preparing.

Attending meetings.

Managing siblings.

Working.

Trying new strategies.

Worrying about whether you're doing enough.

And still doing all of the ordinary things that come with raising a family.

Episode 5 makes space for the reality that parents need support too.

You don't have to be everything for everyone while leaving nothing for yourself.

And needing help doesn't mean you aren't strong.

Sometimes strength looks like knowing when you can't do everything alone.

Find the People Who “Get It”

Professional expertise can be incredibly valuable.

So can another parent saying:

“I get it.”

Zela talks about having people in her life who also parent children on the autism spectrum. Sometimes their group chat doesn't need a long explanation.

Someone can send a picture of what is happening and the others simply understand.

No judgment.

No lengthy backstory.

Just recognition.

That kind of community matters.

Dylcia and Zela discuss how peer support can complement professional support, particularly when families are at the beginning of a diagnosis or educational journey.

Sometimes another parent can't tell you exactly what your child needs.

But they can tell you:

“We've been through something similar.”

“Here's a question you might ask.”

“Here's a resource that helped us.”

Or simply:

“You're not alone in this.”

Your Lived Experience Has Value

Zela's advocacy extends beyond her own family.

She talks openly about her family's challenges and successes because sharing those experiences can help another parent recognize that they aren't alone.

Parents are often referred to her when another family is beginning the diagnosis process because she's willing to share what she has learned.

That's one of the reasons parent community can be so powerful.

Professionals bring professional expertise.

Parents bring lived experience.

Children bring their own experiences and perspectives.

Good support makes room for all three.

Trust Your Gut—Then Take the Next Step

“Trust your gut” doesn't mean parents have to diagnose their own children.

It doesn't mean assuming every professional is wrong.

And it doesn't mean every concern will ultimately lead to an IEP, 504 Plan, diagnosis, or service.

It means taking your observations seriously enough to ask the next question.

Write down what you're noticing.

Ask what the teacher sees.

Talk with your child's pediatrician or another appropriate professional.

Learn what support systems exist.

Ask for explanations when you don't understand something.

Document important concerns.

And if an answer doesn't make sense, ask what the next option is.

Understand.

Document.

Communicate.

Prepare.

Advocate.

Because sometimes your gut isn't giving you the final answer.

It's telling you that you need to keep asking questions.

IN THIS EPISODE

Dylcia and Zela talk about:

• Trusting your instincts when something feels different

• Early developmental and speech concerns

• Navigating the assessment process

• Parenting children with very different needs

• Autism and ADHD

• IEPs and 504 Plans

• Accommodations in general education

• Children whose struggles aren't immediately visible

• Sensory needs and finding creative solutions

• The emotions that can come with a diagnosis

• Helping children understand their differences

• Teaching children self-advocacy

• Parent burnout and self-care

• Asking for help

• Supporting siblings

• Finding community with other parents

• Celebrating progress that may look different from other families' progress

• Why parents' lived experience belongs in the conversation

ABOUT ZELA BACLAYON

Zela Baclayon has worked as a preschool teacher for more than 25 years, primarily with two-year-olds. Throughout her career, she has supported children with a wide range of developmental needs, including neurodivergent children and children who had not yet received a formal diagnosis. She has also helped families navigate early concerns and the assessment process.

Zela is also a longtime military spouse and the mother of two neurodivergent children. Her experiences as both an early-childhood educator and a parent give her a unique perspective on what it means to recognize concerns, seek support, adapt to a child's individual needs, and advocate over time.

Outside of education and parenting, Zela also has an intuitive-reading practice. She shares at the end of the episode that she offers tarot and dowsing readings and is developing her mediumship practice.

Connect with Zela:
Instagram: @intuitive_readings_with_zela

NEXT STEP: Not Sure What Kind of Support Your Child Needs?

If you're noticing that your child is struggling but aren't sure what comes next, start by understanding your options.

Education Lowdown's free “My Child Needs Academic Support” guide walks parents through common starting points—including IEPs, 504 Plans, assessments, and practical next steps.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

This transcript has been lightly edited for clarity and readability.

Disclaimer

The Education Lowdown Podcast and related content are provided for educational and informational purposes only and are not intended as legal, medical, mental health, educational, or other professional advice. The experiences and opinions shared by guests may not apply to every child, family, or situation. Eligibility for special education, accommodations, and other services is based on individual circumstances and applicable requirements. Consult an appropriately qualified professional regarding your specific situation.

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